marked with having a blue period
Van Gogh
continually expressed emotion with intense blue
great works brought forth during times of deep introspection and difficulty
i have been having a bit of a blue period myself
i thought i had been doing an adequate job of hiding how i was feeling from everyone else
until yesterday when my loving mother pointed it out
she even used the 'd' word to describe what i was experiencing
immediately tears released in agreement
unlike Van Gogh and Picasso, whose blue period brought forth masterpieces such as
Picasso's Self Portrait 1901
and my personal favorite, Van Gogh's Almond Blossoms
my blue period has been marked by a vortex or even a black hole of creativity
writing, painting, parenting, living life in any creative fashion has escaped my fingertips
despite the lack of production of any visible masterpieces
i am hoping that there was been some other sort of workings in the process of production
workings of the soul
the work of dependency
the work of submission
the work of humility
the work of yearning
the work of endurance
the work of change
i am reaching out to my Heavenly Father to ask him to lift me to heights i can not see
to fill me up with the springs of the living water of hope, of faith, of perserverence
that i may access that divine gift of His Son, my Savior's Atonement
that i, a small blip in his vast creations, am somehow known, loved, and sustained through this power is almost incomprehensible
as i had the privilege this past Saturday of attending our church's temple, a House of the Lord, the closest thing to being in the presence of God here on Earth, i felt his warmth, his peace, his love, and his encouragement
my prayer now is that i may raise my eyes above the turbulent waves of my current situation and fix my gaze upon Him that has felt and overcome all
And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.
Alma 7:11-12 {emphasis added}
there is no greater miracle than that
this blue period is not an expression of whether I believe Christ performed this miracle for me, that I know to be true
this blue period is an expression of my battle to keep that knowledge in the forefront as i search to understand this new me that is being created through these workings of change...this new me that must emerge from this blue period and hand in hand with my Savior walk, walk in whatever new path i am to blaze. discovering that this is where he needs me, this where i belong now. and as long as i keep my hand in His, wherever that may lead me, that is where He wants me to be. and i will in turn become the work of change: a work of His will, the Master himself.
