just where we are: family photos by Heal Courageously

the moments turn into minutes

the minutes into hours

hours into days

days, weeks, months, years

it has been years since we have had our family photo professionally taken

and so when Michelle from the incredible organization Heal Courageously offered her free service 

of taking our family photo

i was elated

Heal Courageously is a non-profit organization which provides a free service to those dealing with life threatening illness 
patients, care givers and survivors 

in which photographers volunteer their time to capture life just where they are 

in what Michelle calls “the night side of life” 

this time of life that shapes us the most  

she gives them the opportunity to to reflect back on those things that cannot be taken by illness  

to hear more about Michelle, her story, and why she founded this organization

be sure to check out my LifeBeats Project podcast with her here

"learning connection while being broken open: how cancer gave me my voice"

i am sure you have all experienced the stress that comes with getting ready for and taking family pictures  

this experience was nothing like that  

it was freeing 

it was freeing to know that some one was coming to our home for the purpose of capturing us just as we are  

no wardrobes were purchased 

no predetermined poses 

just us  

we had not had our family photographed professionally in over five years 

and so much has changed  

Michelle and her photographer Emily came to our home and were there to serve  

their presence was calming and warm  

we captured Mike in his wheelchair 

with his garden

with each of our children  

we captured him and i together 

and us as an entire family in our home 

and on our back porch  

emotions were there on the surface as I watched my little family 

and cherished where we are 

and that we could capture this time in our life together

here are just a few of the many photos captured

that will forever freeze this time in our life

in our home

our beautiful home

16 moves in the making

where we can thrive as a family

and provide the clinical material for each of us to grow into our potential

i can't wait to watch

a new home: the start of a new chapter

i have never been more thankful for a hole and a pile of dirt in my life

and with 3 boys there have been plenty to go around 

after one miracle after another and another 
we will be able to build a home 
one designed with mike's current and future needs in mind
two years ago when we applied for Disability I never would have guessed we would be blessed with this miracle 
when we were denied Disability after a year i wondered how we would make it and why this was happening 
i am thrilled to say that the timing of finally being approved for Disability set into motion a series of unforeseen miracles that will now allow us to have a place of our own  

after moving 15 times we will finally be able to put down roots 

in a home where Mike and our children will thrive and feel secure

no more questions from them of when we are moving next

generally the kids are happy to move

with the exception of one teen pictured

the size of our yard is doing much to persuade them that leaving their friends one more time will be worth it

i am thrilled that Mike will have the accommodations he will need to live life with more ease

and have all of the things he needs on one level

especially since the need for a wheelchair has come

for me i will be nine miles from work

a comfort and a convenience and peace of mind

it won't hurt that i will get to select fun things like paint colors and lighting fixtures either

i think back to those moments of wondering why we were being denied the blessings that in my mind seemed to have not come at a better time

how grateful i am that there is one that can see more than i

i think questioning the timing of things will be a lifelong obstacle for me

but more and more i am beginning to trust God and his timing 
oh there's still the woes in the midst of the storm
but evidences of past aid find their way into my mind and heart more often

delivering that desired calmness which smooths over my eruptions of despair or panic more quickly 

sometimes these episodes come when I think of our future and what that means for Mike's health and our family
and although the circumstances of our trials are not being removed 

the Lord shows us time and time again that he is moving mountains for us so that the climb we are making carrying our load feels possible  

and indeed there are times when He walks the trails beside us, carrying it himself

we have been so grateful to so many of you who answered my call from my last post to come and visit Mike or send him a video or note

our home has been filled with visitors 

and our mailbox and inbox have been filled with messages

it has brought Mike so much joy

and tears to my face

our new home will need to echo your warmth so consider this an official invitation to our new home whenever it's finished

we'll sit on the back porch and sip some lemonade

The LifeBeats Project

friends i am so grateful that you have stuck around for this ride

that of the journey of transition and finding happiness

as we have adjusted to living with Mike's multiple sclerosis 

as well as my pursuit to provide for our family in a way that will allow me to preserve our family lifestyle as much as possible

i am so grateful for all the things that have come into my life that have provided me 

with learning opportunities and communities of support

and have aided in refining my path towards financial self sufficiency through pursuing my passions

the next stepping stone in this journey comes with much anticipation and joy

as it has so much to do with you

on the wise urgings of my husband who has told me to 'just start'

as opposed to my natural tendency to want to know everything from the beginning to the end

i have 'just started'

and am now able to share the beginnings of this incredible project with you

it is with much excitement and a truckload of butterflies swarming my stomach

that i present to you

The LifeBeats Project is a podcast and blog dedicated to Pursuing the Art of Living Extraordinarily

its a celebration of the extraordinary that already lies within you and

a practice devoted to helping you achieve a breakthrough

to illuminate more of it in yourself

and the world around you

i will be interviewing everyday people like you and me

and sharing their inspiring stories of extraordinary living

as well as expert guests who will share with us practical and applicable steps we can take to help us better our lives and enrich those relationships around us

Listen to my 10 minute introductory podcast over at www.thelifebeatsproject.com 

that will share more about how my passion was sparked and ignited

as well as what you can expect from upcoming episodes

be sure to subscribe with your email address to receive notification of when my first podcast will be released

beat alongside of me in all the beginning stages on instagram @lifebeatsproject

and of course I would love to hear from you

my longtime friends

please share with me your thoughts by commenting below or emailing me at briana@thelifebeatsproject.com

and if you would like to share your story with me

or someone else's story who has inspired you

please share it with me at the above email address as well

thank you for your continued support 

the impact your encouragement and confidence in me has provided

has helped carry me through this rollercoaster journey

our surprising news

to borrow from a classic movie scene
if we woke up with our heads sewn to the carpet
we wouldn't be more surprised than we are right now

another little person will be joining our family

yep, you guessed it

we’re pregnant

if you’re shocked

you can bet you are in good company

it still seems surreal

the chances of this little one joining us are pretty much one in a million

as i have processed this news over the last few weeks

i have passed through every emotion possible

mike has been my calming influence

a few things are for sure

this child was meant to come to our family

it will be loved with all the squeezes and snuggles that a baby can receive

the Lord must think i have a lot more to give

He will mostly definitely provide what we need as he has in every uncertain circumstance of this our Johnson Journey

new reader? start here

hello there new friend! 

pleased to meet 'cha

i'm briana and welcome to my blog Sweet Dreams are Made of These.  i see life in a swirl of colors and ideas and do my best to create some sort of order.  to read about what swirling elements make up my family of 6 read here

for some divulged random facts about me click here or here including my mixtape for life

recently my hubby has joined me as a co-blogger and our goal is for this to be a joint space for us

get to know him here

this year

i have helped brand and launch an organization that breaths life into the soul of mothers

and opens their eyes to see that their journey

the one they are living right now

is worthy of inspiring others

so come inspire and be inspired at

MOMS LIVING HAPPY

through my own journey i have discovered my true passion

people

i love people

people are beautiful

you and you and you

and i want to celebrate you

i am all giddy inside just thinking about my next venture 

which will share that passion with you this year

watch for it

be a part of it

see more of what i've done this year as a party blogger contributor to 

DESIGN DAZZLE  for TARGET here and here

and more of sharing our family's journey with hardships such as Multiple Sclerosis and cancer

here on SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THESE

and here on POWER of MOMS

here i blog about: 

the dish on mommyhood for four young active children {3 busy boys and 1 'baby girl'}- family fun, specializing in mayhem

my creative outlet - the essential part that creativity plays in finding joy in each day 

see my growing list of diy/tutorials here

a little light and truth - the role faith plays in my family's adjustment to my husband's diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and my Daddy's recent passing from cancer 

the parable of the swing  |  what to do about cave drawings and spills and tears    |   10 tips for styling the whole boy    |   acceptance is just out of my grasp    |   mr bowlerman & miss charleston - an applique tutorial   |   back to school photoshoot   |   marquee love   |   the mental challenge: by mike   |   mr right and little miss t-shirt tutorial: adventures in freehand cutting and freezer stencils   |   in pieces

'gateway to summer' door banner diy tutorial   |   the morning we feared    |   an unhurried day: felicity is princess for a day, her birthday that is    |   handmade valentine swap: helping to revive the art of the penpal    |   love her mother    |   to simply begin, one branch at a time  |  our new family photos  |  backyard date night corsage: a little tutorial  |  black and white and smiles all over: cousins captured  |  

my Daddy's passing  |  Mike's battle with Multiple Sclerosis  |  my dream of building my blog to provide for our family  |  miracle of a rebuilt heart for baby Abigail  |  our uninvited guest of unemployment  |  14th wedding anniversary  |  homeschooling Owen  |  Craft Explosion

thanks for reading Sweet Dreams are Made of These

grab your favorite bunny slippers and stay for awhile...

i would love to hear from you.

your friend in this journey,

briana

follow this blog

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follow me through email

email me at sewhappytogether6 at me dot com

the book that saved my husband

what would you do if you couldn't think

no really

you couldn't think critically

ok so i hear some of you sleepless moms of littles saying, that's me everyday

trust me, i get it

but what if you had had a photographic memory, could recite passages of scripture and literature poetically, were fluent in cantonese, and knew every line in every single Seinfeld episode and 80s movie 

and now could not force your mind to complete simple tasks, remember what you did this morning, remember who you spoke with about what, or form words properly when you spoke

to have a ghost of a memory that you once knew so many beautifully rich things 

this is just a mild taste of what my brilliant husband deals with on a daily basis

so when i tell you that Mike just finished a novel

it is with absolute elation that i tell you that my husband just completed his first novel

for those of you who know Mike

you know of his passion for books

his thirst for reading

his in depth studying

his fascination with word choice

being drawn into other worlds

living life through the eyes and passion of another

this same passion was born into the soul of our son

for years Mike has had a story in his mind to write for Owen

a story that explored ideals that he wanted our son to seek after

ideals he felt were lacking in the world our son was growing up in

Mike wasn't able to dedicate time to write this story before

well, because he had been busy with so many other things

now his daily life is quite different

a type of different that tears at my heart leading me to often times turn my head from Mike's view so as to hide my tears as i witness his daily struggles and see his brilliant mind dormant

i turn away so he does not witness my moments of inner battle that read on my face, 

'why him' 

'why must he suffer so'

but as always the Lord has extended mercy through something very simple 

imagination

imagination flows from dreams

from ideas of our own making

without limits or the necessity for critical thinking

for this reason and a miracle that the overall idea for the story was stored in a part of Mike's long term memory that has been unaffected by his Multiple Sclerosis

Mike was able to write his book

now the process of writing for him was quite different than it would be for you and i

every morning he would forget what he had written the day before

he would forget the storyline, the characters, the direction

every day he would have to start anew, rereading what he had written the day before

learning to take exhaustive notes of any upcoming details of the novel, knowing that in a few short minutes or hours he would forget them

day after day this routine repeated

until nearly 100,000 words were written

a novel completed

out of this process came something beautiful

something life-saving

this book saved my husband

as i sure you can imagine 

having so much of what you would consider your identity and role taken from you

having limitations hinder you from fulfilling those duties you delight in performing for those you love

then battling extreme fatigue and intense pain to carry out those things that remain for you to struggle through

experiencing all of this would throw anyone into a period of questioning your worth 

into period of self doubt and dare i use the 'd' word

being able to write gave him a purpose again

a feeling of contributing

even a feeling of meaning

it brought excitement and structure back into his day

even life

something to look forward to

and although it was difficult to have to start over every day, he could look back at what he had written the day before and see that he was accomplishing something

i loved seeing that passion and vibrance for life return

you could see it in his face

you could hear it in the way he spoke

you could feel it in the energy of our home

he was writing something of value for our son

which became something of value for himself

and something he hopes will be of value to many youth and parents out there 

for he is planning on self-publishing it before Owen's twelfth birthday in May

i want to have Mike tell you more about this experience himself

i know how much you love hearing from him

he has just begun sharing his first draft with family and friends

and is looking for a few others who would be interested in reading it to give him feedback before he sends it to a copy editor

if any of you are interested in reading a copy of his first novel, please contact me

it is entitled, CHOSEN, the quest for the eight keys

and is a young adult novel full of adventure and hilarity as only Mike could write

it is brilliant and we have already received incredible praise from those who have already finished it

including one speed reading son who absolutely loved it and can't wait for the next one in the series

i am beyond proud of what Mike has accomplished and am so happy to see him move forward with self-publishing

i am so grateful for this gift that God has granted him

this opportunity to free his mind and spirit

in a way that will be immortalized for his children and generations to come

putting my inner voices in time out

there is always some fight within yourself when you are nearing a major breakthrough in your life
your current self just doesn't want to let go of the good thing you’ve got going on right now
good defined as 
comfortable
familiar 
expected
not necessarily good defined as
good for you
change is hard
especially when you keep having that loud and intense inner battle of two voices within yourself 
that you wish you could just rip out of your mind 
tell them to play nice and work it out 
or they are just going to have to just stay there in timeout until they can get along

one voice tells you 
that you are ready to take that next step
you are strong 
you are capable
you’ve got what it takes 
you can rise above
the other voice laughs at you and says
who are you fooling
you can’t change 
look at what you’ve done in the past 
what makes you think that today will be any different
my head is spinning right now just thinking about it
because that has been the battle going inside my mind for months
and i am here today to tell you that as loud as that debbie downer voice has been screaming in my mind 
she has now faded to a whisper
that duct tape must have done the job
no in all fairness i cannot pin point one major event that has triggered this most incredible quieting of the mind and propelled me on to my next level of growth
it has been the compilation of many, many little efforts and the surrendering of myself to faith 
faith in me 
faith in my God
and faith in the circumstances I have been currently blessed with
it has been a loooong fight 
and i have no doubt that that duct taped voice in my head may find her way to a bullhorn once again but next time she’s going to find a new me
one that will have grown in my inner debbie downer silencing skills
change is in the air once again
so watch for some tremendous growth coming on all fronts over here as i climb to that next level of achievement

a tale of two boys: the arrival of abigail's twin brothers

tonight has been an evening of great reflection
tonight Jani and Jesse
champion parents to our sweet miracle baby Abigail
were once again brought to that moment of greatest anticipation
the birth of their child
and this time the anticipation was doubled
with the birth of twins
twin boys

i know they have been beyond elated to have two new additions to their family
but i can only imagine what entering that hospital felt like to them
did that overwhelming feeling of anticipation become dimmed by a rush of fear
i dare say that it may have
i know i would have let it creep in uninvited

for those of you who have joined our little community within the past two years
you may not be familiar with the story of little Abigail and the fight for her life
born with part of her heart missing
her heart backwards
and on the wrong side
to be then reconstructed several times within such a short period of time
the waiting
the wondering
the holding of ones breath for great lengths of time
i know so many of you journeyed with me
and like me lived from moment to moment on updates regarding her surgeries, setbacks, and recoveries

hers is a story of courage and miracles
fought not only within her own little soul but within that of her valiant father and mother
for many long months

to watch a video i made of the beginnings of her life including that heart wrenching life flight
come visit here
to read more of her journey over those months click here or on the 'abigail' link in the sidebar

this is a family of warriors
tonight two strong boys joined Abigail as children to my fine brother and his superhuman wife
enduring nearly two days of intense labor
jani fought hard to deliver both of her boys naturally
extreme back labor caused an epidural to be necessary at the end of day one
the position of both of the boys allowed for the need for a c-section to be kept at bay
long did she labor
finally help was given for her labor to progress
but it did not
at least not at all in a manner i would deem real progress
slowly it continued
despite the strong contractions

at last this afternoon baby boy one arrived into this world
nicknamed Flex by his grandpa
with his brother baby boy two, nicknamed Blaze, still rather high up
Flex and Blaze
that's how we have known them
little Flex weighed a healthy 5 lbs 1 oz
and looks so much like my brother Jesse i just love it
he arrived doing well
no surprises
he would soon be named
Thomas Russell Dix
a fine name don't you think

i have never experienced a double birth

but i can imagine the sort of mix of emotions

having delivered pure joy after such tribulation

only to have to continue to push and toil once again

for jani this pushing and laboring lasted hours more

to the point where jani just didn't know if she could last much longer

as i am sure you may surmise this woman is one of absolute stamina, faith, and courage

unfortunately Blaze was larger than Thomas and got stuck in the efforts to be delivered

so a c-section was needed

much to jani's dismay

but i know her heart was only directed toward doing what was best for her babies

a time of communication darkness ensued between those there at the hospital and myself

it is ever so difficult to be so far away from my family during moments such as these

during Abigail's birth, surgeries, and fights for her life

i was in california while they were in utah

this time i am the one in utah and they are in california

the next text message i received told me that Blaze was born but was whisked away due to breathing difficulties

my brother was beside himself

i have no doubt that the memories of Abigail's birth flooded his mind

emotions mixed with experiences mixed with logic mixed with faith

all whirling around inside

i could visualize his facial expressions and his stance in my mind

i will say of my brother that he feels the pain of others like no one i have ever known

he feels what they feel

he takes them upon himself

once again a stretch of a communication void
but then there appeared across my phone screen the most beautiful words and photos
the babies were both breathing on their own
both on their own
and daddy and grandma were holding them
jani was in the recovery room resting peacefully

here is jesse with Thomas Russell
and our first glimpse at Blaze...to be named soon

i think i breathed for the first time

and now i am happy to present the first moments Jani was able to see and hold her babies
Jani is the champion of the world
Movember Jesse looks much more worry free
i am so grateful for the miracles that continue to happen in this family
we are continually blessed with watchful heavenly care
and i have no doubt that daddy is able to be close by for occasions such as these
how i wish these little ones could pass on messages from him

photos below:
Jani and Jes with Thomas Russell {baby one}
with Baby Blaze {baby two}
Baby Blaze
Baby Blaze
Thomas Russell whom I can see a lot of Jani in him now
Thomas Russell

i can not wait to see the whole family together
thank you family and friends once again for lifting us up in your prayers
it is an incredible feeling to be surrounded by an army of prayers from those who care for and love you
it is nearly tangible
as it has been many times before
thank you
thank you