today is the first time i have seen these photos
these incredible photos that are causing me to hold my breath
wishing i could just go back to that day
when i could hold him
feel his soft hair
hear his laugh
and just be next to him
i love all the subtleties in these
my gaze
his gaze
the lean of my forehead onto him
soft kiss
soft smiles
silly grins
each capturing varying emotions and aspects of my relationship with him
admiration
pride
safety
comfort
appreciation
love
silliness
joy
i just wanted to feel near him today
so i asked our dear friend cheryl who had the foresight to take these
if i could finally see the ones of him and i
i had seen the ones with each individual grandchild
and the one of us as an entire family
but not the ones of just Daddy and I
oh how i adore him
and ache to have him here
really having these photos are an absolute miracle and mercy of a loving Heavenly Father
this was the last day that i can remember Daddy really being Daddy
laughing at ease
happy to be near us
even later on that night at my cousin's picturesque wedding, dancing the only way Daddy could
he had us rolling
daddy is not a 'photo' person
its a definite 'man' trait in our family
but he was so gracious, so easy going that day
he just enjoyed each and every one of us and our individual, unique relationship with him
he always made each of us feel special
of course he enjoyed the dynamic of our whole family together
that's always eventful
such as when the sofa that we hiked out to the middle of the field, the sofa that has been in our family since we were kids, sunk into the ground when we all sat and leaned on it
and when sudden gusts of wind blew hair and clothes and surrounding debris every which direction just at the moment we were all finally situated, causing continual laughter and mayhem
its never a dull moment
so even though it is difficult to see these
i will treasure these each and every day until i will see him again
