on turning 35

35
what can i say but wow
i remember 34 like it was just yesterday
and 30 like it was yesterday's yesterday

do i feel older
no i don't
do i feel old
no i don't
well maybe
ok a little...ish

but i probably am... in years that is
but i hope not in spirit

this past week i attended a group that i frequent regularly
there was a new member who was a darling young mom who was sitting alone
i introduced myself to her and asked if i could sit next to her
to which she smiled and agreed
we exchanged introductions for just a few moments before the meeting began
before i could pick up our conversation after the meeting ended, she began talking to a few other moms seated around us, all much younger than i
all with less laugh lines, less children, and without any grey hairs i'm sure
i picked up my stuff and left
i thought about that exchange
i know she meant no ill will of any kind
its just my own take on the scene

i came home and told mike about it
to which he replied: you are not as young as you think you are
that's exactly what i was thinking
i am older than i think
it kind of stinks sometimes to be the older established mother in a room full of younger mom's whose bodies managed to regain their former glory so quickly

this is not my first encounter with feeling like an old mom
nothing can top the day i officially felt old
almost four years ago
upon inviting a new neighbor at her doorstep to come with me to a mom's group i had joined
she proceeded to ask
'is this a group with lots of moms in their forties?'
i have to say i was taken aback by this
i later shredded the outfit i was wearing
read all the details here

but as i laugh at these encounters
i know that my spirit is young
my creativity is heightened
my desire to learn continues to thrive
my fear of doing new things has diminished
i still never pass up an opportunity to dance
my joy i am taking in my four children and their growing stages
the new part of my path i see ahead of me
the beauty i am drawn to and which surround me

today
i am young
gonna set the world on fire
i'm gonna burn brighter
than the sun
**