on the count of three: a photo essay of our day remembering daddy

this past weekend marked the one year anniversary of my daddy's passing

as you can imagine the thought of this day arriving lay heavy on my heart

the feelings of loss i had experienced over the year compounded into one single day

we decided as a family, on the recommendation of those who have also experienced great loss in their lives, to create traditions that we could do together to celebrate our love for him

husband, father, and grandpa

our day was full

full of tears

full of laughter

full of memories

full of longing

full of gratitude

details of the day one year ago have been burned in my mind forever

imagining as if i was there again

as i fought and sobbed not wanting to step out of that ICU door,
not wanting to leave my Daddy there
not knowing what to do, how to live by taking one step out of that door
how do i greet people
how do i go to the store
how do i tell my children

Mike took me by the hands and told me to look at his face
oh his sweet and tender face with power in strength and faith behind those gentle blue eyes
and he said, 'one step'

and then together arm in arm with my sisters and mom

took that one step

and then another and another

and that is how i have lived this year

one step at a time

day after day

month after month

this day was a day to share our love for my daddy

and remember what we cherished most about having him here with us

we started off with a saus-cake breakfast 

pancakes grandpa style

we then took time to write letters to grandpa that we would attach to white balloons

i loved the kids sweet messages

"i miss you so much that i wish i was with  you" tate

"i love and miss you so much! i just want to give you a big hug" owen

when we arrived at the cemetery someone had been there already and decorated his gravesite with flowers and lollipops

at the cemetery we passed out all the messaged attached balloons

and on the count of three

1-2-3

we let them go

up

up

up toward heaven

i was not prepared for the rush of emotion that would accompany letting that balloon go

sending my love and my heart up into that vast blue sky

watching it climb

wishing in my childhood desire that somehow that balloon would find my daddy

and he would read my words and feel my love

i am grateful for my knowledge of God's plan that will enable me to be in my daddy's embrace once again

i have put together a photo essay for you capturing the beauty of our day

to experience firsthand the love, the longing, and the triumph of hope

if you have a memory of my father you would like to share

we would love to hear it

thank you all so much for your outreach of support and care over this past year