Monday, April 29, 2013

the morning we feared

using a walker for MS

this morning in our before school prayer Tate said
‘please bless dad that he will be able to run like he used to
and be able to have fun with us’
this tugged at my heart so much

this past weekend our family has faced things no one ever thinks that they will ever have to handle in this life, especially at such a young age
friday morning i awoke to a loud crash
and i immediately knew what it was
mike falling
i sat straight up to see Mike flat on the tile
i bolted over to him calling his name
he turned his head toward me with staggering motion wincing, blinking, and shaking
with eyes full of fear i have never seen
he had not tripped
his legs had given out and had lost feeling

every morning when he wakes up and swings his legs over the bed
he pauses then stands
thanking Heavenly Father that for another day they work
then he gets to work
every. day.
whether its his job, housework, or serving the Lord

this morning as i looked down up him laying there on the floor with soft tears running down his face
i saw this optimistic man facing a fear he had been preparing himself for every morning
i laid down on the floor, put my arm under his head, and wrapped my arms around him
together we cried
he couldn’t remember how it all had happened
he had blacked out upon hitting the tile

i told him of the inspiration he was to me
his faith
his optimism
his get to work attitude
he carries with him every day
i thrive on it

my brother and our dear friend raced over to administer a special priesthood blessing to Mike
this priesthood is the authority and power to act in God’s name here on Earth
as i listened to the words my brother spoke through the power of the Holy Ghost
of the worthiness of Mike to receive daily strength and health
a powerful sense of calmness overwhelmed my soul and remained with me the entire day despite momentary intrusions by fear and tears

these two men helped Mike to our bed
Mike refused to be carried
with all the energy he could muster up somehow one leg got in front of the other despite hanging limp, feet dragging with each attempted step
tears rolled down his face
he was very emotional and confessed that he was afraid
this was new
this had never happened before
his legs felt different
the disease was progressing much quicker than we had ever anticipated
Mike was confident that this numbness was only temporary
but that is the fear with MS
will this symptom i am experiencing disappear with the next rising sun or will it permanently remain
Mike felt like this would remedy itself
our children gathered around him, embracing him, and giving words of encouragement
oh the things my young children have seen and experienced
Owen more than any of them
he has so much more on his shoulders and heart than most ten year olds

Mike soon became his optimistic, humorous self
smiles and hope shining forth from his face
he worked on his laptop and made phone calls
i remained with him for awhile then went downstairs for something
upstairs i could hear movement, so i raced back up
to see Mike army crawling on the carpet
he needed something and wanted to be able to do it himself
never giving up
he wants to be able to do all he can now, while he can
he often responds to my offers of help that he knows that later down the road i will be doing so much more for him, so for now he wants to be able to do it while he still can

and just as Mike expected so
by the end of the day he could move his right foot and his left pinky toe
on Saturday he reassured me he would be fine alone so that we could go to the MS Walk
details which i will soon share
when we got back home, he soon army crawled to the loft to watch hockey with the boys
and later that day had received enough feeling in his right leg to be able to hobble around with help
yesterday the feeling had returned in both legs, despite extreme weakness
he conceded for the first time to use a walker and i couldn’t stop him from using it to stand as he did the dishes
this morning he deemed himself fit to go to work
miracles continue to happen before our eyes

these images of my husband laying on the floor
the fear in his tearful eyes
being helped to his bed by two strong men
crying with a quivering lip as the fear crept in
army crawling to be with my children
scooting down the stairs
crawling up the stairs
pushing a walker to clean the house
these images will be engrained in my mind and are ones i will not soon forget
yet the power of his optimism, his faith, his love, and his never-give-up and never-complain philosophy 
those things are written on my heart
and i thank my Heavenly Father that i can be tied to this courageous and valiant man forever and ever
i am humbled and inspired by him on a moment to moment basis

my deepest gratitude to all of you for your messages of encouragement, your thoughts and prayers, and offers of help as we take life one day at a time


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