Thursday, August 02, 2012

under a shady tree, my first visit to the gravesite

this morning Mom invited my siblings and i to join her in visiting Daddy's gravesite
i must admit that yesterday at the cemetery i was initially very bothered that the 'graveside' service was not 'graveside'
i had expected his casket to be delivered from the funeral service to its final resting place, not a pavilion in the center of the cemetery
i guess that must have been the policy for such a small cemetery as Wildomar
i grumbled in my mind for a bit and then decided that that was what was going to happen so i just needed to accept it
i was grateful that i did so that i could enjoy the beautiful dedicatory prayer that my brother Jesse gave upon the plot and final resting place of Daddy
to protect it from harm and any natural disasters
such a comforting prayer

i was indeed anxious this morning to actually see where Daddy had been laid to rest
i was delighted to see that it was in a beautiful location
right under the large branches of a strong, shady tree
i quickly looked up from the ground to the heavenward view from his gravesite.

as my mother, brother Luke (Jesse being in Utah for his sister in law's wedding), and sisters laid on a blanket next to the gorgeous flowers adorning Daddy's grave
i realized that i would be spending many, many hours below this magnificent tree
it was peaceful and comfortable there
something i was not expecting to feel

huddling together, Mom told us stories of meeting Dad for the first time
how shy and sweet she thought him to be
and then of their courtship
and the events that transpired leading up to their marriage
such a tender feeling in her words

it was a time of closeness and quietude
and i did not want to leave
i could have stayed there all day
knowing that what awaited me were things and people expecting me to do normal things
clothes and dishes to be washed
milk to be bought
doctors to see
people who i would come in to contact with that have no idea the aching i am experiencing and the loss i feel

my inclination right now is to just stay where i am most comfortable and with those who understand and wouldn't expect me to have to say a thing
oh how do you carry on with such normal things?
even after knowing Daddy lives on and Heavenly Father's comfort is close
it still hurts


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