Hope Works

 

oftentimes the things that we repeatedly think about and the things we repeatedly say 

become who we are and what others remember about us

a photo of my daddy sits by my home monitor 

his soft gaze looks at me as i work in the wee hours of the night and early morning

oh how i wish i could talk to him in person

but the words i hear my daddy say to me in my mind are the words i heard him say so often

words of counsel

words of encouragement

words of love

but so very often the words of hope

my father was a spiritual man who drew strength and wisdom from the words of the scriptures 

that lucky for me he passed on to his family

one of my favorite things i heard my daddy teach about was hope

my father's adopted definition of hope was an "earnest expectation"

taken from one of my most beloved chapters in scripture, Romans 8 verse 19 

and Philippians 1:20

an earnest expectation

in an address at a conference of women Lisa Valentine Clark said

'when we don't know where to begin, we begin with hope.  hope has the power to change our attitude.  hope sometimes comes from our actions and sometimes comes through inner feelings."

we begin with hope

with earnest expectation of a change in how you feel or a change in an outcome

earnest can be defined as 'resulting from or showing sincere and intense conviction'

for me this anticipation of change in nature or change in situation 

must be coupled with a sincere and intense conviction in God's loving nature and his work and his glory

"to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man"  (Moses 1:39)

which can only come through the process of becoming

most importantly, becoming as Christ

oh the joys that come

but oh the pain and the strife

no one is exempt

which means that we are each others' learning material and experts on how to find hope

we have all felt it sometime in our life 

we have felt of its transformative power

its sustaining power

its restful power

because of this universal reality of the state of man

to learn, to grow, to be stretched, to rise, to fall, to find peace, to feel despair, to find rest, to find joy

it is my firm belief that we each must speak up and

"be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you"

(1 Peter 3:15)

we must share our stories of hope

even if we are in the middle of it

even if we have not seen the light yet

we can speak of the light in our hearts

our speaking can spark a hope in the hearts of someone else

it doesn't need to be on a public platform

you just need to have an open and willing heart 

that if the opportunity presents itself in speaking to another in need 

that you will be ready to share your story and give an answer for the reason for your hope

your sharing may just be showing them where they can begin

it has been my honor to learn from so many in my life through the sharing of their stories

through my podcast The LifeBeats Project I have been continually amazed 

at the willingness of my guests and my community members so many to share their journeys for the benefit of others

i continually seek out opportunities to hear from the brave ones willing to share

recently i was able to attend a brilliant and inspirational TED talk like event called

Hope Works

put on by the Mormon Channel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

in which 6 speakers shared their life experiences and insights of how they feel hope and love

particularly through the light of the Savior Jesus Christ

as i listened to 

the honest and real feelings of a struggling mother trying to feel enough

a paralyzed equestrian vaulter trying to understand who she now was after her accident

a mother trying to explain what it feels like to see life in a whole new way after losing her child

a man trying to find purpose in his career and what he could do that would truly matter

a relationship coach learning from one of his patients of the pain of scars and on how healing can begin

and a man's enlightened experience of learning globally from people of other religions and background

i was filled

there was no podium, no screen, no barrier between them and myself

it was if they were speaking just directly to me

i could feel their pain 

but oh could i feel their joy

there is a power in hearing others' stories

those LifeBeats inside of us connect with the LifeBeats within their story

those core desires within us all

to feel loved, to want to serve, to want to reach our potential, to be understood, to want to feel needed, to want to feel that what we are doing and how we are living has meaning

if you are in need of a little hope

i invite you reach out to someone you love, someone you admire, a place of inspiration 

and hear how others have found hope in their lives

i invite you to hear the stories of the inspiring guests of my podcast The LifeBeats Project

you can even listen to one of the speakers from the event Hope Works that i attended over on YouTube

friends make hope an earnest expectation in your lives

draw on the stories and strength from others

root your sincere anticipation of that rest, peace, and joy that will come in our Savior Jesus Christ

for hope lives

hope conquers

and hope works 

when have you felt hope in your life?  how did you find it?

The LifeBeats Project Story Search Soiree

in the Spring i hosted a Story Search through my podcast The LifeBeats Project

in conjunction with Diana Putnam Photography's series Rose Colored Lenses

asking my listeners to submit stories of people who inspire them

or to share their own inspirational story

it is part of my mission to be able to share how extraordinary people are with you

i had 20 nominees submit stories

and how could i only share 2 of them with you

reading through each one of their stories was so uplifting and inspiring 

that i decided i would honor them all

welcome to the first Story Search Soiree

at my beautiful new home

keeping it simple was my goal

in order to focus on why we were gathering

people

and their stories

our simply beautiful decorations

felt ball garlands, floral buntings, wooden flatware, and sunburst napkins

were there to add sunshine and feminine fun

provided by the darling party and paper store My Paper Crush

dedicated to having all the pretty things in one place

you have a chance to win a $50 gift card to their darling shop

by simply following the steps shown on my Instagram post of the soiree

giveaway will end Thurs Sept 22 so hurry and enter

our guests were provided with some gifts as little physical reminders of how truly amazing they are

notebooks and pen by My Paper Crush

my favorite heartbeat necklace by Sweet Lemon Boutique

perfect for my brand and a special gift to my interviewed guests

beautifully burned wood leather wrap 'be brave' bracelet by Sweet Saltwater Designs

seven of us gathered together

some arriving after our photos

to share in a delicious meal made by my loving mother who knows how much cooking stresses me out

she used fresh vegetables from our garden as part of her main shrimp pasta dish

strawberry shortcake my favorite for dessert

i am glad we got the women behind the lens out in front

to know Diana is to love her

she has a heart of gold and a magical talent

the darling Ashley Lundgreen of Visage Artistry

when i envisioned this dinner

i imagined it to be for the purpose of coming together in meaning conversations and to share our stories

three of the attendees shared their stories through video

together we watched them and were able to discuss together the underlying stories

each of us shared a piece of our story

and we talked into the dark of the evening

creating connection and learning from one another

it couldn't have gone any more perfectly

here are the videos for you to witness the beauty of each of these stories

the passionate Carissa of Family History Modernized

i am so excited to share with you this coming week on my podcast The LifeBeats Project

about the new social media campaign i will be launching soon

to help give everyone who wants to share their story an opportunity to do so

to share that #lifebeatsforme

the incredible Tami Schlappi, one of our selections to interview on the podcast

hear her full podcast episode here

"Trusting in God and His plan even in times of great loss and when you plan doesn't align with His"

Cloudy Day Gray Interview

everybody has cloudy days

but it's what we do with them that determine the rain or shine

I am so happy to have been a part of the Cloudy Day Interviews by Kelly of Cloudy Day Gray

in which I share some particularly stormy and cloudy days

and how I have still seen those parting rays of sunshine

even in the rain and how you can too! 

hop on over to read the full interview on Cloudy Day Gray here

photos by Amanda ARG Photography

progressing with multiple sclerosis: an update on Mike

we are not meant to carry things alone

at times when this journey feels so lonely
when i keep quiet to avoid being the heaviness in the conversation
when one more thing just makes me feels like i will shatter from the pressure
when i ache watching my husband suffer
at these times without fail i have not had to carry on alone

you have been there
in a text
in a phone call
in a comment
in a song
with a load of folded laundry
with a bucket of cleaner
with a meal
with your car keys in hand

and because you have been there
i know He has been there
aware of my sorrows
reaching out to let me know
i see you Briana
i see your husband
i see your children
and i will not leave you alone
the weight you all carry may seem heavy
but i will send you people to help you carry it
for you are not meant to carry it alone

this week we received difficult news regarding Mike's health
the disease has accelerated from one type of MS to another
from relapsing/remitting to progressive
from an ebb and flow of symptoms to a constant decline
and an aggressive one at that

there is no specific medication for progressive MS at this time
but there is hope for one in 2017
there is however a medication not designed for MS that has shown some success that we will be lobbying with our insurance to try
we would love your prayers and positive thoughts as we advance through this approval process both to be able to try the medication and for financial assistance to do so
as it is very expensive

as you can imagine this news is daunting
i have watched with great alarm as Mike's health has declined rapidly over the past 3-4 months
and yet his spirit remains determined to be happy
just this monday on our special family night
he implemented the Positivity Project
in which he encouraged us all to channel our perspective and the words we use to demonstrate positivity

the struggle for Mike to be himself is real
the physical and cognitive limitations take a toll on him
and take him away from us for a time
but he comes back to us
and you know when he feels like himself in a big way
when he has visitors
so if you have some time
if you have been blessed by Mike in any way
i ask for you to come visit him
he is homebound almost exclusively
and while i am at work
the battle is real for him to be present while he is alone
come laugh with him
renew a friendship
strike up a friendship
he's the greatest man i know
and he needs us right now
he needs us to help him remember who he is
how brave he is
how witty he is
how insightful he is
how faithful he is

if you live far away
give him a call
do Facetime
send him a text
jump on a plane to come visit
we've got a guest bed ready for you

we thank you for your kindness
we thank you for your prayers
they sustain us
and we feel them
for we know that when you have been there
God has been there

The LifeBeats Project

friends i am so grateful that you have stuck around for this ride

that of the journey of transition and finding happiness

as we have adjusted to living with Mike's multiple sclerosis 

as well as my pursuit to provide for our family in a way that will allow me to preserve our family lifestyle as much as possible

i am so grateful for all the things that have come into my life that have provided me 

with learning opportunities and communities of support

and have aided in refining my path towards financial self sufficiency through pursuing my passions

the next stepping stone in this journey comes with much anticipation and joy

as it has so much to do with you

on the wise urgings of my husband who has told me to 'just start'

as opposed to my natural tendency to want to know everything from the beginning to the end

i have 'just started'

and am now able to share the beginnings of this incredible project with you

it is with much excitement and a truckload of butterflies swarming my stomach

that i present to you

The LifeBeats Project is a podcast and blog dedicated to Pursuing the Art of Living Extraordinarily

its a celebration of the extraordinary that already lies within you and

a practice devoted to helping you achieve a breakthrough

to illuminate more of it in yourself

and the world around you

i will be interviewing everyday people like you and me

and sharing their inspiring stories of extraordinary living

as well as expert guests who will share with us practical and applicable steps we can take to help us better our lives and enrich those relationships around us

Listen to my 10 minute introductory podcast over at www.thelifebeatsproject.com 

that will share more about how my passion was sparked and ignited

as well as what you can expect from upcoming episodes

be sure to subscribe with your email address to receive notification of when my first podcast will be released

beat alongside of me in all the beginning stages on instagram @lifebeatsproject

and of course I would love to hear from you

my longtime friends

please share with me your thoughts by commenting below or emailing me at briana@thelifebeatsproject.com

and if you would like to share your story with me

or someone else's story who has inspired you

please share it with me at the above email address as well

thank you for your continued support 

the impact your encouragement and confidence in me has provided

has helped carry me through this rollercoaster journey

every life matters Q&A

i am honored today to be featured in a meaningful blog series called

Every Life Matters

by the fabulous Katie from Dotson Love

her zest for life is contagious

and her mission to help the world see that every life matters resonates with my own passions

read my full interview Q&A here

where i answer some fun and tough questions like...

how i keep focused on the things that matter instead of the things that scream the loudest

how i've overcome times when i have felt like i haven't mattered

what our family fights over

and of course what i am passionate most about

be sure to say hi over there 

and even stay to read some of the other powerful interviews of some incredible women

walking in faith and fear

in my mind i think that knowing the end from the beginning is what i really want

because only seeing my journey a step at a time

means there is only so much information available for me to base a decision on

which leaves so much remaining space for the unknown

so what do i fill in that space of missing data

that unknown 

that is beyond this step i'm currently evaluating taking

will it be filled with 

fear or

faith

now i've heard that where one exists the other can not 

but i'm telling you 

i choose faith

but i choose faith in spite of all the fear that is creeping in

i will take a step in faith 

with fear at my side

but i pray that with each next step i take

fear will trail further

and further

behind

what has your experience been with faith and fear...

would love to hear from you

our five year journey with Multiple Sclerosis

i was asked by a beautiful friend of mine who also has MS and is very involved with the MS Society

if i would submit Mike and our family's story for her to share

one focusing on the effect of the disease on our family and how our lives have changed because of it

i was indeed grateful for this opportunity as it gave me time to reflect on these past five years

i cannot believe it has been that long 

and yet it feels so much longer since our lives are completely different

i only had a few paragraphs to share our five plus year experience with the effects of Multiple Sclerosis on my sweet husband

i pray i did it justice

thank you for sharing in our journey

I am honored to share with you a small part of my husband and our family’s journey with Multiple Sclerosis.  The summer of ’09 found my husband Mike in a thriving career with Apple as well as the backyard soccer hero to our three small boys, when our world was turned upside down and inside out.  For three months Mike had not been able to swallow food, losing weight at an alarming rate and suffering tremendous fatigue and weakness, to say nothing of the intense worry we faced.  We had found ourselves on the trail hop from doctor to doctor looking for answers.  When the diagnosis finally came, we were stunned.  I will never forget looking across at each other that night, not knowing what to think but feeling tremendous fear and as if our future plans and expectations of our life together were slipping through our fingers. 

The passing of each year has brought one family adjustment after another, and the onset of unexpected symptoms and the loss of functions for Mike.  We have learned together as a family the effects of the disease.  As fatigue, pain, temperature intolerance increased, and taste, sight, cognition, balance, and mobility decreased, we began experiencing little losses we had not expected... 
no more backyard races with the boys, loss of stamina to prepare meals that brought him delight and stress relief, inability to watch our boys’ sports games due to hot or cold temperatures, no more walking hand in hand on a date, and so many more.  

Blessings have come as well, one in the form of a beautiful baby girl, the child we had found out I was pregnant with the exact day we received Mike’s diagnosis. One night when our little girl was very young, I left her at home with Mike before putting her to bed.  Being beyond exhausted after a long day at work, Mike did not have the strength nor the balance to carry her up our stairs.  With her in his arm he sat on the stairs and tread by tread scooted and crawled his way to the top of the stairs to put her to bed.  My heart broke when I came home, not realizing that such a simple task would be so difficult for him.

Because of his love and sense of duty as a father, husband, and provider, Mike worked for as long as he could.  Leaving his career at Apple at the age of 36 due to his worsening symptoms.  He then worked for three additional companies trying to do what he could to provide for our family.  Mike has a gift of the mind and of words.  He has a thirst for knowledge and had a photographic memory.  He was a linguist, a scriptorian, a passionate researcher, an author, a teacher, and one of the those guys that would win Trivial Pursuit on one turn.  

The most difficult of symptoms, that of drastic cognitive decline, has robbed him of so many of his gifts and pleasures.  This decline has produced emotional scarring due to his inability to provide for our family any longer or function in his roles as a husband and father as he would wish.  He suffers from confusion, memory loss, inability to concentrate or perform simple tasks, as well as absent seizures.  He is home bound while I am now the sole provider for the our family of six.  When he has moments of physical and mental strength he does what he can at home and I have had to learn to let him, despite great sacrifice on his part.  I have learned that although his suffering is audible and quite visible when he does these tasks, I must allow him to do what he can to feel he is still contributing to our family and retaining what independence he has left.

Today our children are strong, having had to learn independence as well as reliance on one another.  They are brave, they are aware, they are compassionate and protective.  God has blessed us greatly.  He makes himself known to us each and every day through the kindness of others who bring my children home from school, come visit Mike on their lunch break, wash our laundry each week, take my son to football practice, and so much more.  

Mike is my champion.  His desire to make me happy, help where he can around the house, and remain loyal to his faith while instructing our children, renews what I knew the day I married this man almost seventeen years ago, how lucky I am to be able to be by his side each and every day.  Sometimes the future is scary, sometimes we wonder how we could possibly adjust to one more thing, but we continue to put in the work and step forward in faith that we can make our life full and joyous no matter what is on the horizon.  

{to read more of our journey with Multiple Sclerosis, click here}

why you should write stuff down

i get it

some of us made it through college vowing to never write another thing

some of us wonder what is so special about our life and thoughts that we should record any of it
some of us feel like we just don’t know where to start

but i’m here to tell you that writing down the experiences you traverse will be one of the most cherished possessions of your life
truly all of us have gone through something in our life that was hard, that was stretching, that was building
and it should be documented 
if for no one else, but for your future self
because as we all know hard stuff doesn’t just come around once in our lifetime
the likelihood of us battling difficult events in our future life is certain
and there is nothing quite like rereading your own words telling you
that thing was hard
that thing tore you up
but you made it through
and here’s how you did it

you will now know that you can get through this new thing too

i declare to you that any effort you make to throw your words down on “paper” will be of tremendous value to you
time after time i have revisited my own words 
words which seem so wise and couldn’t have possibly come from me
but they did

writing is a form of clarity
a clearing away of the fog of the heavy circumstance and channeling a crisp communication that lends to perspective
whether you believe in God or not
writing is a tool that is given to us to still our busy lives and allow us to listen
listen to yourself 
and listen to God’s Spirit

i am so grateful tonight to have come across a blog post i wrote back in march 26, 2012
entitled
for the days i just can’t get out of bed
this post included part of a speech i gave to a large body of women in my church
these words were the clarity and comfort i needed today

"I am grateful to a loving and merciful Heavenly Father who provided me with an opportunity to speak so that I could be still, and sit and reflect on the lessons that He was asking me to learn when I just didn’t think I could be stretched any more.  Who’s gift to me of the Holy Ghost brought to my mind in just that instant the words of one of my favorite quotes from the ever eloquent apostle of the Lord, Elder Neal A Maxwell, from his powerful book “The Promise of Discipleship”

Even if and when we seem to have squeezed out the last full measure of our devotion, an omniscient and perfectly empathic God not only knows the difficulties through which we have passed and are passing but also knows if any residue of unused devotion still remains to further the process!

Heavenly Father knows what we are capable of and of our potential for greatness - He knows our heart, He is our creator, He sees our life, He sees it in its complete form.  He knows what we are to become.  And through his wisdom and mercy He will utilize any residue of unused devotion to refine us and raise us to levels of faith and testimony that we didn’t even know we were capable of.

I pray that these thoughts will continue to bring comfort, peace and joy to me

even, and especially, on those mornings I just don’t feel like getting out of bed.

Being stretched is hard and flat out painful.  Naturally, I desire the easy route; whether that be the least work, pain, or thought.
Let us be careful that we do not resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature - whatever form they may come in: whether it is someone, a health issue, an unyielding obstacle, our own weakness, or the absence of something or someone in our life.


Elder Paul Johnson spoke directly to me in his April 2011 General Conference address. 

Sometimes we want to have growth without challenges and to develop strength without any struggle.  But growth cannot come by taking the easy way out.  We clearly understand that an athlete who resists rigorous training will never become a world-class athlete.  We must be careful that we don’t resent the very things that help us put on the divine nature.

Oftentimes my trials and struggles blind me, they are that pebble that I have held up to my eye that prevents me from seeing beyond it.  I have had a beautiful and blessed life and I allow fear to take over in imagining the tolls disease may take on my Daddy and my husband and what our life together may become.  I find myself like Lot’s wife looking behind because she could not imagine that her future could have been better than her past.  If there is anyone who we can look to on this earth for optimism, it is our dear living prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Pres. Thomas S. Monson who proclaimed in his closing testimony in the April 2009 General Conference, 

The future is as bright as your faith

I would encourage each of you to turn to writing as you travel along your journey, especially during times of difficulty. It does not need to be published or for others to see, simply in the act of recording your experiences your eyes will be open and you will gain a grander perspective as you create a moment of quietude that can allow the Spirit to work through you.  I can not count the number of times that I have felt compelled to write about a struggle in my life, only to have the love of my Heavenly Father communicated to my heart through putting the words down on a page.  They have also served as an invaluable source for comfort and strength as I return to reread what I have passed through. "

friends
you will not know today, or tomorrow, or perhaps even a year down the road if what you write today will become just the words you will need
for that is only a portion of the treasure
writing will bring a sense of clarity and gratitude to your life right now that may be exactly what you need
so tonight 
just write some stuff down
and feel the power of your words

i decide

this week has been brutal to say the least

torturous may be a word i would use

the disease is making an ugly appearance this week
some of our greatest fears made manifest

and it scares me that these new ugly things may take up permanent residence in him

tests being run

new treatments being explored

every action analyzed

and in my mind battles are raging

questions

why more

why would his last means of giving purpose to his 'duty driven heart' be taken away

how much longer must this go on

how much more can he endure

how much more can i be pulled

when will things get better

there are defining moments 

when you find yourself in places you never thought you would be in 

paths you never imagined being on 

choices you never would have wanted to have to make

witnessing seeming injustices that you never would have wanted to witness  

in those moments you have a choice 

how are you going to react   

who are you going to become

what feeling are you going to give into

after a period of feeling very justified in my anger 

feeling deserving of a reprieve for my husband and myself

a chance for us to breath

i began to recognize old habits of thinking in myself

old habits of reactionary responses

old habits of letting the air get sucked out of my lungs as the weight presses down

today i had to make a hard choice  

i fought it hard  

i have good reason to be angry 
i held on tight to it

but i began to see that i was going down a road i didn’t want to be on again

i was becoming someone i didn’t want to be

someone i fought hard to break free from
and pleaded with my Savior to help me change from

ungrateful

self-absorbed

justified in anger

i am grateful that i chose not to let myself fall back into despair for too long

but to decide that's not who i am

not anymore

to decide

to decide

to decide

i choose happiness

that's who i am and 

that’s who i want to stay

its not easy

those thoughts flood in

my circumstances scream loudly in my face
my husband's suffering blaring 
he fighting the real battle

i will fall 

and fall again

but i won’t let myself stay down there for very long

for i decide

i decide to choose happiness

that’s who i am and

that’s who i want to stay

and as we wait

we wait and watch

i will turn my heart to a place that will serve Mike best

a place of trusting

a place of peace

a place of humility

until my next fall comes

and then i will decide

i will decide again

to choose happiness

prayers my friends

i ask for your prayers

as we seek for answers

{to read more about our journey with Multiple Sclerosis click here}

moms living happy: our new adventure, you and me

every once in awhile something seems to fall from the sky and land in your lap that was just meant to be

i know better

what would seem like some random fruit falling from the tree 

is more like a heat seeking missile with your heart's signature as its target

something designed for an impact just for you

this is how i feel about Moms Living Happy

a project that will change the way we look at ourselves as mothers

and which will reach out to the corners of the earth and bring together a community of moms who despite life's vicissitudes choose happiness

i am honored to be a co-founder in this brilliant endeavor 

to step into the homes of countless such moms 

and tell their courageous stories in video form

your story

you

and you

and you

so how are we going to hear your story

or the story of your inspiring friend, neighbor, or own mother

we need to hear from you

email us your stories at momslivinghappy@gmail.com

and who knows we could meet in your living room with a film crew 

to tell a story that needs to be told

of Moms Living Happy

so hope on over and see what we are all about

subscribe to our newsletter so you won't miss a single inspiring story

head on over to 

the book that saved my husband

what would you do if you couldn't think

no really

you couldn't think critically

ok so i hear some of you sleepless moms of littles saying, that's me everyday

trust me, i get it

but what if you had had a photographic memory, could recite passages of scripture and literature poetically, were fluent in cantonese, and knew every line in every single Seinfeld episode and 80s movie 

and now could not force your mind to complete simple tasks, remember what you did this morning, remember who you spoke with about what, or form words properly when you spoke

to have a ghost of a memory that you once knew so many beautifully rich things 

this is just a mild taste of what my brilliant husband deals with on a daily basis

so when i tell you that Mike just finished a novel

it is with absolute elation that i tell you that my husband just completed his first novel

for those of you who know Mike

you know of his passion for books

his thirst for reading

his in depth studying

his fascination with word choice

being drawn into other worlds

living life through the eyes and passion of another

this same passion was born into the soul of our son

for years Mike has had a story in his mind to write for Owen

a story that explored ideals that he wanted our son to seek after

ideals he felt were lacking in the world our son was growing up in

Mike wasn't able to dedicate time to write this story before

well, because he had been busy with so many other things

now his daily life is quite different

a type of different that tears at my heart leading me to often times turn my head from Mike's view so as to hide my tears as i witness his daily struggles and see his brilliant mind dormant

i turn away so he does not witness my moments of inner battle that read on my face, 

'why him' 

'why must he suffer so'

but as always the Lord has extended mercy through something very simple 

imagination

imagination flows from dreams

from ideas of our own making

without limits or the necessity for critical thinking

for this reason and a miracle that the overall idea for the story was stored in a part of Mike's long term memory that has been unaffected by his Multiple Sclerosis

Mike was able to write his book

now the process of writing for him was quite different than it would be for you and i

every morning he would forget what he had written the day before

he would forget the storyline, the characters, the direction

every day he would have to start anew, rereading what he had written the day before

learning to take exhaustive notes of any upcoming details of the novel, knowing that in a few short minutes or hours he would forget them

day after day this routine repeated

until nearly 100,000 words were written

a novel completed

out of this process came something beautiful

something life-saving

this book saved my husband

as i sure you can imagine 

having so much of what you would consider your identity and role taken from you

having limitations hinder you from fulfilling those duties you delight in performing for those you love

then battling extreme fatigue and intense pain to carry out those things that remain for you to struggle through

experiencing all of this would throw anyone into a period of questioning your worth 

into period of self doubt and dare i use the 'd' word

being able to write gave him a purpose again

a feeling of contributing

even a feeling of meaning

it brought excitement and structure back into his day

even life

something to look forward to

and although it was difficult to have to start over every day, he could look back at what he had written the day before and see that he was accomplishing something

i loved seeing that passion and vibrance for life return

you could see it in his face

you could hear it in the way he spoke

you could feel it in the energy of our home

he was writing something of value for our son

which became something of value for himself

and something he hopes will be of value to many youth and parents out there 

for he is planning on self-publishing it before Owen's twelfth birthday in May

i want to have Mike tell you more about this experience himself

i know how much you love hearing from him

he has just begun sharing his first draft with family and friends

and is looking for a few others who would be interested in reading it to give him feedback before he sends it to a copy editor

if any of you are interested in reading a copy of his first novel, please contact me

it is entitled, CHOSEN, the quest for the eight keys

and is a young adult novel full of adventure and hilarity as only Mike could write

it is brilliant and we have already received incredible praise from those who have already finished it

including one speed reading son who absolutely loved it and can't wait for the next one in the series

i am beyond proud of what Mike has accomplished and am so happy to see him move forward with self-publishing

i am so grateful for this gift that God has granted him

this opportunity to free his mind and spirit

in a way that will be immortalized for his children and generations to come