a life well proven, my daddy Russell

i did not want to open my eyes this morning not ready to face the day if it was all true
i feel just as my brother Jesse kept saying yesterday, 'it just all seems so surreal'

an army of family and friends gathered in the room of my father
and in the room down the hall
moments of joy for the rest he was finally to receive
intermixed with outbreaks of sobbing and confessions of our desires to not live this life without him here
tributes of honor whispered into his ear of loyal friendship, quiet acts of service, and never ending love, and of course of the example of tireless work in the Lord's kingdom, letting each person know of their worth and their divine capabilities to live the gospel, and live it with exactness.
expressions of eternal love by my courageous and regal mother.
deliverance of Christlike love by her for in her own suffering she came to the comfort of others with words of reassurance of Daddy's love for us and of known truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

we stayed by his side for the duration of the day and into the late hours of the night as he was taking his final breaths
his body having succumbed completely to the cancer
having fought like only my Daddy could have fought for over two years
his strength being akin to nothing else in this world

i looked upon his face and knew his Earth life was complete
and not just complete but proven
oh proven in every way we all hope to achieve
my father proved in every word and deed of the truths he knew
and mostly in quiet ways did he speak and act
this great man worked in meekness


all the while sweet angelic music played
and familiar words of doctrinal hymns ran phrases of gospel truths through our minds

these deeds shall thy memorial be; fear not, thou didst them unto me **

be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord, when disappointment, grief, and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.  be still, my soul: when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last. **

faithful and true he will enter his kingdom, crown'd in the midst of the prophets of old
mingling with Gods he can plan for his brethren, death cannot conquer the hero again**

the works of God continue, and worlds and lives abound; improvement and progression have one eternal round.  there is not end to union; there is no end to youth; there is no end to priesthood; there is no end to truth.  there is no end to glory; there is no end to love; there is no end to being; there is no death above.**

lead kindly light amid the encircling gloom, lead thou me on.  the night is dark and i am far from home. lead thou me on. lead thou my feet, i do not ask to see the distant scene, one step enough for me.**


oh how i always want to see that distant scene, one step never seems enough for me
but the words of this particular hymn have been in my mind this past week
and i must now act out in faith, that since i know who is leading me, that one step is indeed enough

as i fought and sobbed not wanting to step out of that ICU door,
not wanting to leave my Daddy there
not knowing what to do, how to live by taking one step out of that door
how do i greet people
how do i go to the store
how do i tell my children

Mike took me by the hands and told me to look at his face
oh his sweet and tender face with power in strength and faith behind those gentle blue eyes
and he said, 'one step'

he spoke words of strength and faith and truth 

of those things i know to be true and can testify to you more than ever

truths taught to me from the time i was a little girl by my father

that death is not the end

that my Daddy lives and his spirit was not there in that room anymore

i felt the difference

that my Daddy is having a joyous reunion with those who have already passed on

and he is being put to work for he is a worker, a loyal servant 

that he will always be with me and i will feel him closer than i ever could before 

for he can be with me in ways that he couldn't while here on this earth

and ever so important that we will be there for my children to guide them and warn them as they continue on in their earthly mission

all of this has culminated to a greater knowledge that Jesus Christ lives

what a testimony i have received of that from the life and death of my own father

this is what i will need in days ahead

when i just need my Daddy, when i just wish i could hear his voice, hear his laugh, and feel his enveloping embrace

thank you friends for the service you have provided for myself and my family through your thoughts, prayers, and the continual acts of kindness.  i will need them more than ever in the days ahead.  they have literally sustained me and will continue to do so.  pray for my sweet mother, pray for her to feel the comfort that she needs so that she will never feel alone.  act on those promptings and thoughts you will have on ways you can take action to help her in this.

she has made a request which she asked me to share.  she would like everyone to please email me stories of my Daddy.  she knows that he has touched so many lives, and would like to make a book out of everyone's experiences with my father.  please email any thoughts, and particularly stories, as well as any photos you may have to russellmyhero@gmail.com  thank you all for sharing in our lives.

***UPDATED SERVICE INFORMATION as of July 31st 9:30 am***

Services for my Father Russell F Dix will be:

A Visitation - opportunity to pay your respects to Daddy and meet with our family
Tuesday, July 31st from 6-8 pm at
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
29725 Bradley Road
Sun City, CA 92586

Visitation
Wednesday, August 1 from 9-9:30 am at
the Bradley building at above address

Funeral
Wednesday, August 1 at 10:00am at

the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

29725 Bradley Road

Sun City, CA 92586

Graveside Service following the funeral at 

the Wildomar Cemetery

21400 Palomar Street,

Wildomar, CA 92595

**Luncheon to follow the Graveside Service
There will be a video presentation as well as tributes made by those invited to share at

the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

29725 Bradley Road

Sun City, CA 92586

Those wishing to make a donation in honor of my father may contribute to one of these three charities:

Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation
www.themmrf.org

Perpetual Education Fund
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
give.ldsp.org/perpetualeducationfund

Humanitarian Aid
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
give.lds.org/humanitarian

Please also remember to email me your stories and photos of my Daddy to russellmyhero@gmail.com

the outpouring of your love has been tremendous!  thank you so very much.

{if you wish to read any further information regarding My Daddy's journey and our privileged journey with him please click here or on the 'My Daddy' label in the right hand column}

life-support: sustaining hope and my Daddy's desire to fight

this morning i awoke with swollen eyes to images of Mike getting ready to leave for the hospital
i am so grateful for this man that i married who loves my father
and has created through the years, a bond of mutual admiration and brotherhood with him

this morning i write with deep reverence
i don't know if i can eek out all the details with these weak fingers
but i wanted to reach as many people this morning and plead with you for your prayers

yesterday my family received such difficult information regarding my Daddy's health and the decision that we needed to make, that initially i felt as though someone had knocked the wind out of me.

the overall picture
is that the infection is in his blood and his body is laboring too much to be able to fight this on his own.
life-support
would be required to continue to fight this infection
if you think that this would be a simple decision, you are seriously mistaken

after much prayer and trying to honor the desires of my father
we decided that putting Daddy on life-support in order to try and battle this infection
in hopes of still bringing his body to a level of stability to be transported to Huntsman Cancer Institute
would be the best decision
granted there are so many other factors that i have not mentioned, that this is an extremely oversimplified version of this

i have so many more things in my heart that are flooding my thoughts
but my main message for today is
PRAY, PLEAD that Daddy's body will be able to fight this infection in the coming few days.

this is the greatest battle of his life.
and we all know he is a fighter,
the strongest man i have ever know.

PRAY for strength for my mother
PRAY for a miracle.
PRAY that all of us may be at peace as we make decisions and as we watch the will of Heavenly Father unfold before us, whatever that may be.
PRAY my friends, please pray.

sunny days, sweepin' the clouds away

everything i learned, i learned on sesame street, right?
can you hear the beat of the opening song
dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun

sunny days, sweepin' the clouds away...
{enjoy this beautiful rendition by Joshua Radin here}

{yes i have my own Sesame Street book}

that's what i'm trying to do over here in 'woe-is-me'ville
sweep those blues away
and focus on the sunnier side of my blessed life

here are a few of the rays of sunshine that have parted those clouds
represented through a little iphoneographie and instragramologie


a girl's night out with my dearest Leslie always my advocate and cheering section... boy did i need the laughs and yummy food and there were plenty of both  {you've got to try PF Chang's banana spring rolls ... they're heaven!!}

Leslie and i created a photo scavenger hunt for each other...Leslie was killer and determined to win ...one of my requirements: a mohawk with a peace sign.  oh the antics to get this one!

'may i take your order?' owen asks.  in n out...always a bright spot.  i never tire of its yumminess, even after working there in high school.  tate wasn't into it, but that's ok.  he was definitely into his shake.

Dada and baby girl sharing a neapolitan shake.  yes, they make those on request!  this man is such an amazing father, husband, and optimist...keeps going and going.  

a surprise party for my gorgeous little sis...her 30th!  man i'm old.  nes knows just the right times to check on me.  must be sister intuition:)

some time alone...just me and the sea.  there is just something about the lulling sound of the majestic ocean waves that washes away the worries of a day.

a game of telephone with some serious cuties.

seriously it had been far too long since i had blown bubbles in my gum.  a feeling of carefree childhood rushed to my lips.

for a understanding husband who stays home with the kids so i can spend hours at a time with my Daddy.   Mike himself spends hours of time with him as well.  so grateful for their relationship.

rejuvenating time with my Mom at the San Diego Temple...feeling so near to my Heavenly Father... refueling spiritually then physically with some scrumptious greek food.

Abigail the miracle baby turned one... she is such a joy to our family with her busy little ways.  her life is a testament of God's power and love and the effect of a community of prayers.

living next door to my parents is such a blessing.  overnight campouts for the boys being one of the many benefits.

some Papa time at home...even if just for a day

some girlie time with Mom and my sisters.  so blessed to have all of their support in my life.  we have been holding each other up.  just missing Kelli here.  can you believe i got my toe nails painted?  much do to the encouragement of Mike who is not a 'foot' person. apparently mine were in dire need of attention.

a surprise 35th wedding anniversary party for my parents!!! Daddy was able to come home straight from the hospital to be at my Mom's side to greet his 150 guests who celebrated their exemplary marriage with all of us.  many, many hands made this unforgettable evening possible!!!

morning yoga with the kids.  love their enthusiasm and energy.  i miss teaching.  yoga is medicine for the soul.

Felicity displaying her excellent form in the 3-legged downward dog and Tate with his alligator pose.

life is a joy when i see the little bits that fit together to give it real meaning.
i have shared this moving video with you before, but i hope you will enjoy it again, as i do each time i watch it.
watch it here.

it features some of my favorite quotes that keep me focusing on what truly matters most:

moments are the molecules that make up eternity.

Elder Neal A Maxwell

its not so much the major events, as the small day to day decisions that map the course of our living.  

Pres. Gordon B Hinckley

we would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes and truly see the things that matter most.  strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light.  it comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most. diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the World 

Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

as i focus on the significant and lift up my eyes
sunny days will most definitely sweep those clouds away.

a blue period

Pablo Picasso
marked with having a blue period
Van Gogh
continually expressed emotion with intense blue
great works brought forth during times of deep introspection and difficulty

i have been having a bit of a blue period myself
i thought i had been doing an adequate job of hiding how i was feeling from everyone else
until yesterday when my loving mother pointed it out
she even used the 'd' word to describe what i was experiencing
immediately tears released in agreement

unlike Van Gogh and Picasso, whose blue period brought forth masterpieces such as
Picasso's Self Portrait 1901

and my personal favorite, Van Gogh's Almond Blossoms

my blue period has been marked by a vortex or even a black hole of creativity
writing, painting, parenting, living life in any creative fashion has escaped my fingertips
despite the lack of production of any visible masterpieces
i am hoping that there was been some other sort of workings in the process of production
workings of the soul
the work of dependency
the work of submission
the work of humility
the work of yearning
the work of endurance
the work of change

i am reaching out to my Heavenly Father to ask him to lift me to heights i can not see
to fill me up with the springs of the living water of hope, of faith, of perserverence
that i may access that divine gift of His Son, my Savior's Atonement
that i, a small blip in his vast creations, am somehow known, loved, and sustained through this power is almost incomprehensible
as i had the privilege this past Saturday of attending our church's temple, a House of the Lord, the closest thing to being in the presence of God here on Earth, i felt his warmth, his peace, his love, and his encouragement

my prayer now is that i may raise my eyes above the turbulent waves of my current situation and fix my gaze upon Him that has felt and overcome all

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people...and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Alma 7:11-12 {emphasis added} 

there is no greater miracle than that

this blue period is not an expression of whether I believe Christ performed this miracle for me, that I know to be true
this blue period is an expression of my battle to keep that knowledge in the forefront as i search to understand this new me that is being created through these workings of change...this new me that must emerge from this blue period and hand in hand with my Savior walk, walk in whatever new path i am to blaze.  discovering that this is where he needs me, this where i belong now.  and as long as i keep my hand in His, wherever that may lead me, that is where He wants me to be.  and i will in turn become the work of change: a work of His will, the Master himself.

i want to be a finisher

i want to be a finisher.
for every one finished project i post here on my blog or adorns my home,
there are upwards of twenty unfinished projects haunting me around my home and garage.
i want to be a finisher,
the girl who finishes what she's started

today i spent unplanned hours working on a sweet little quilt that i started making last night at my sewing class.  despite enjoying the process of making this car seat quilt because it seems like a doable first quilt, the process is not why i kept on.
do i need to finish it soon?
do i even know who i'm making it for?
no and no
but as i pieced and ironed and cut and sewed i had one thing on my mind...
i've got to finish this
it is not going to become another unfinished project for the pile
i must finish

alas as i was whisking tiny hands away from fabric pieces, scissors, and tape
i realized that i was acting crazy
because of this drive to finish i hadn't even realized that i was continuing to work in my front room unnecessarily, long after my class was over, when i have a my own 'creative studio' to my disposal.
isn't that the purpose of a sewing/craft room?
to be able to leave unfinished projects out and work on later
to have a space that you don't need to worry about stray hands picking up scissors
or jelly hands smearing project pieces with bright red goo

i tell you i was mesmerized, determined to a crazy level that i was going to finish
i have this fear that once i stop, i may never finish
is this a baseless fear?
sadly no, as this is the truth a large part of the time
it takes its place among half sewn pajamas, unpainted chairs, and banners that read 'happy birt'

sadly the time to stop had to come
life around you does keep going even when you are in the midst of a focused trance
it caught up to me and i had to stop

after i put my sweet little unfinished quilt in my creative studio
my heart feels a little defeated and truly fearful
do i need to finish it soon?
do i even know who i'm making it for?
no and no
but i just want to be a finisher.
i want to say, yes!  i started this and finished it. i am a finisher.

a notable exception - a wildfire

this weekend was to be nothing but relaxation and revival
well there was definitely a lot of that
with one notable exception
a wildfire

one whose flames licked at the edges of our quiet cul-de-sac
threatening our families' homes
and
i was not there
i was not there to witness it
but oh the images in my mind were vivid enough
i was not there to help
i was not there to comfort
i was not there

it was the end of the first day of a fabulous workshop {that i will be posting about soon}
my thoughts were on heading toward the beach and maybe catching a movie
the first call was made to me by mike in a rather casual voice
'there's a fire on the hill'
i wasn't quite entertained by his idea of going to video it

what followed was nothing short of the scene in a movie in which you find yourself yelling at the screen telling the girl what to do, because she's incapable of making any decisions on her own

phone calls and texts from family, dear friends, and neighbors
telling us they could see the fire
asking if we were ok
offering help
showing up at my house to race my children to safety
and
asking me forcefully what they should throw into my van
what should they save...?
what items would i want to preserve if our entire house went up in flames?
i could hear the urgency in their voices, the chaos behind them

i was absolutely paralyzed, completely incapable of thinking on my own
{begin screen screaming...}
the only things i could think of were my computer, my hard drives, and my photos
thankfully i knew where all those were
but could my lips articulate how to find them in my house?
not without much stuttering, repetition of ineffectual words like 'um' and 'uh', and flailing of my arms

what else, they asked
i could not think, my body was shaking, my teeth were chattering, it was too much
to my rescue came two girls, two strangers, guardian angels really, that i had met that day at the workshop
they stayed by my side, thinking for me, and yelling out ideas
journals
important documents
blessing and wedding dresses
wedding album

i could not believe this was happening
i needed to be home, but i was too far away, there was nothing i could do in time
i wondered why i was here
i had felt such a divine thread in me coming to the workshop that i had a hard time understanding why Heavenly Father would want me to be here when my home was yards away from becoming ash
mike continued to reassure me that everything was going to fine, not to come home, there was no need.
he began telling me a silly story about the kids responding to mike's request for them to grab what was important and leave, by grabbing their gatorades and treats they had just bought at the store.  i have to admit that i was annoyed at first that he would 'waste' precious time by telling me about my children's juvenile thoughts on what defined 'important', but as i began to laugh an amazing thing happened:
i began to calm down
mike's humor had disengaged my frantic behavior and i began to feel capable of handling this
i later thanked my Heavenly Father for blessing me with a man who is just perfect for me
a man that knows exactly what i need and what i needed at that moment

i got off the phone reassured that if those remaining at the workshop would offer a prayer on our behalf, that i could make it home alone
{as the girls had offered to drive me}
april offered a heartfelt prayer on behalf of my family and i felt the peace i needed and the lessening of the wobbling of my legs
it is a beautiful thing what prayer can do to unite near strangers

i received updates from mike and my mom and leslie as i drove home
the peace remained with me
and 15 minutes before i arrived home, the fire was contained and had not reached closer than 50 yards to our home, 50 yards is way too close for my comfort but i'll take it

as i pulled up to the house and saw the charred hill i was overcome with emotion and my legs began to give out, my body began to shake, and my teeth began to chatter once again
i opened my front door to the solid smell of fire hitting me in the face
and to two of my boys running down the stairs calling out to me and engulfing me in hugs,
oh i needed that
oh how grateful i was for those who came to our aid
oh how grateful for that front door and for those gripping arms of my children
mike was calm as if nothing had happened
the yin to my yang

several times i went outside before bed to see flashlights of those heroic firemen casing the hill for hotspots and doing whatever firemen do that i am so grateful for
i went to sleep listening to their saws and knowing they were keeping watch
those who know me, know that i do not cook, bake, wok, etc and i have never wanted to bake cookies before, ever, but those firemen need some cookies to say the least

in the morning i walked down the stairs and noticed the ash on the floor for the first time

i strolled around my cul-de-sac and surveyed the damage
oh how close it came
it was a sobering sight
even the animals felt it
i heard coyotes howling, birds screeching, and saw lots of displaced wildlife at the edge of our street

although both mike and my mom were insistent that i return to my workshop that day,
i found myself wanting to wait until all my children had awoken so that i could hold them a little before i left
i lingered and got ready at a leisurely pace
i had been emotionally and physically affected by being separated from them during such a traumatic event
however, i was grateful that i was able to return to the workshop and found the art to be quite therapeutic
i can't wait to share what i have experienced

one thing that i have learned from this particular experience is that i need to be better prepared for an emergency
friends, what would you save from your home? please share.  i would love to hear.
do you have a list of those items and where they are located?
is your list somewhere others could get at if you were not there?
do you have friends and neighbors to call on that would race to your side?
my challenge to myself and to you is to compile this information
for 'if ye are prepared ye shall not fear'  {Doctrine and Covenants 38:30}

Even in the little things--- a creative escape made possible

i am packing my bag
and getting ready to go...
alone
i am off for a much needed two day creativity boost
i will be attending the Prospector Artisan Workshops

participating in 4 incredible classes

silversmithing

screen printing

pop art 

letter press

4 things i would LOVE to learn, and arts that aren't just the run of the mill crafts, 

these are unique and fabulous

i know... pinch me, its really happening

my attendance came about in a most divine and unexpected way
it is due to the kindness of 3 women {Janine, Katy, and April} and my willing husband that i will be there

it has been a reaffirmation that God loves me, He knows me, and He provides tender mercies along life's journey
if you read my recent post 'in pieces', you may agree that some creative 'me' time will be a blessed boost to my spirits
that's not to say that i don't feel a wee bit guilty for leaving my 4 children in the hands of my amazing husband for two days
but i cannot deny God's hand in how this all came about
He knows me, Briana, His daughter
and loves me enough to inspire women to give and write on my behalf
so that i could give this creative spirit a renewal of sorts
through such a small means as this
He cares about all the little things in our life that much
why?
because they matter to us

"Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee"

Jeremiah 1:5

"God does notice us, and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

Pres. Spencer W. Kimball

i am so grateful for how this has all transpired
and plan on enjoying every moment of it
can't wait to share what i've learned when i return

'Gateway to Summer' door banner diy tutorial

summer is approaching once again...
i for one, am not quite ready
but that doesn't mean that i'm not going to welcome it when it arrives.
last year we marked the beginning of summer in just the right fashion
with celebration through color and energy
you might recall these images of elated faces and blurry bodies
darting past checkered flags and through multi-colored ribbons
ringing in the days of sprinkler and pool fun

as i was finally unpacking a few more boxes from the garage
i came across the letters S U M M E R from last year's door banner
Owen also saw them and became animated in explaining to me the manner in which he would be running through them this year
so it was official
i needed to create a new one

as i received so much great feedback from last year
i decided to create a diy tutorial for you to make your own
'GATEWAY TO SUMMER' door banner

supplies:

a rainbow of colors of ribbon - i used floral acetate ribbon for outside durability

oilcloth - 12 x 12 cardstock paper would probably work too

jute or other twine

popsicle sticks

tape - i used masking

2 nails

lets get going:

ribbons

measure your doorway - width and length
clear a large portion of the floor to work on

cut a generous amount of jute for the top of the banner using your width measurement as a guide

measure any color ribbon the length of your doorway {i started with red},

don't cut it...tie the ribbon in a knot around one end of your jute piece

and then finish off the piece of ribbon by cutting it once it measures the length of the doorway again

voila your first section of ribbon!

repeat this 'measure...knot...measure...cut' pattern so that you have a total of 3 knotted ribbons for each color {a total of 6 ribbon strands per color}

wherever you want the letters to fit in on your banner, leave an opening approx 12" wide

do this without kiddies running around or it may become a tangled ribbon mess:)

letters

cut the letters S U M M E R out of oilcloth or cardstock

mine are the height of 11"

i free-handed my letters but you could use a bold font like this to create templates

cut two generous pieces of jute the length of the doorway

lay out all your letters upside on the floor inside the opening between the ribbons you designated for them

i gave myself about a foot between the top and where i wanted my letters to start

tie your two pieces of 'length' jute to the top 'width' jute piece approx 8" apart

lay them down the sides of all the letters, stapling in numerous places in a X pattern

i taped popsicle sticks onto the backs of the portions of the letters that were not attached to the jute and may become floppy when hung

hanging

get your trusty ladder and recruit a helper if possible

{i managed to do this on my own, but it was just short of a trip to the Urgent Care:)}

hammer a nail into each side of the top of your doorway

tie each end of your banner to the nail and

voila!

your kids' own 

GaTEwAy to SuMmER

now throw in some signs of congratulations in the yard,

some checkered flags with crete paper marking the finish line

and you've got yourself the perfect way to say goodbye to school and hello to summer.

to my mother

happy mother's day to the woman who shaped my life
as i wonder if any of the little, ordinary things that i do as a mother each and every day carry weight or make a difference,
i think about how i feel towards you and what you have done for me
remembering that the relationship that you and i have
is what i pray my relationship with each of my children will become
yes, oh yes mom little things do matter.

for those times you
made me rad culottes and button down jumpers
detangled the rats nest that was my long hair every morning while i cried
took me to piano lessons and waited
stayed up late helping me build a castle and other school projects
made and saran wrapped my dinner to enjoy after late practices and meetings
took me school shopping 45 minutes away to the nearest major store
choreographed my drill team routine
wrote me encouraging notes and letters
stayed up until i got home from my dates and dances
mothered my friends who weren't as lucky as i
taught me that i can do hard things
danced with Daddy in the living room
encouraged me to pray and listen for answers

for all these things and a million more
i love you mom
you are what i want to be when i grow up

In pieces

Felicity broke my vintage double strand pearl necklace a few days ago
one that made me feel like audrey hepburn whenever i wore it
a classically beautiful piece of jewelry that i could see myself wearing until all my skin was wrinkly and my hair was pristine white

i have been finding pearls here and there around the house
in Felicity's purse
under my bed
in her hand
on the tile

this morning as i found a new collection of lost pearls
i felt as if my necklace's demise were a microcosm to how i am feeling about my life today
a beautifully strung strand of pearls of varying diameters stretched and scattered
things that were once in line have slipped away from my reach
some seem lost forever
a healthy husband
a healthy father
employment for our family {that uninvited guest just keeps refusing to leave}

these were some of the central pearls, great in diameter
with their disappearance
also left pieces of
patience
perspective
understanding
selflessness

how i pray that i may find all of these pieces again

i hold in my hand the central pearl, the pearl with the greatest weight
faith
i am gripping it tightly, holding onto it, feeling of its smooth mass in my hand

i know that my necklace will never look the same again
but i pray that the new necklace that the Master is creating will be more beautiful than the first
and that i will see it as so
even with all its chips and stains
that my
patience
perspective
understanding
selflessness
will grow in weight and size

that only His hands can put my pieces back together
that i must be diligent in seeking for them
and then lay them at his feet
for He can create something far more beautiful than i can imagine
and then when i wear it, i will feel not just like a movie star, but a queen