Saturday, June 15, 2013

my gift to daddy this father's day

my gift for father's day

yesterday my sister vanessa and i accompanied mom in selecting daddy’s headstone
it is time
i can not believe it has almost been a year
i don’t want to believe that i could live almost an entire year without him
i know i have said this so many times before
but i’m just ready for him to walk through that front door, a long overdue return from his trip far away
making his entrance as only daddy could do
dimpled cheek smile 
strong pleasant voice loudly exclaiming his signature greeting

plans were made months ago to select daddy’s headstone
but emotions crumbled before we even left the house
this time we were able to hold it together until the ride home
mom’s attention to detail is unquestionable to all who know her
and when you view life as she does, not only for herself but as something you pass down to your children’s children’s children
you pay closer attention to the details of seemingly ordinary decisions
she chose a beautiful black granite
classic Roman font
a simple border
and a timeless photo of her and daddy smiling in each other’s arms

as we drove home we begin discussing some of the happenings in our family
which are many
we exchanged our delicate emotions of how difficult it has been to face crucial decisions in our lives without having daddy to counsel with
and for mom, without having her dear spouse of 35 years 
daddy is the most wise man i have known
and he was always there with solid, sensible, applicable advice
consistently given in a loving manner
i can remember so many times being in his office or in a room
just him and i
having come, ran to him with my burdens, with my fears, with my mistakes
and he would listen and then say my name or call me sweetheart and then offer up suggestions and resources to study things out further
always letting me know what he would do
but always, always letting me know it was my decision
and that he had confidence that whatever i decided to do would be the right thing

today as i drove home alone
having been recently reminded of fathers at every turn
and gifts to give
i thought of what my gift to him this father’s day might be
i thought of how badly i wanted him to be here for me to give him a gift certificate to the driving range or some silly putting hole gizmo for his office
getting gifts for daddy was a challenge as he was content with what he had
i thought of how blessed i am to be his daughter 
and how most people go a lifetime not receiving the love and investment from a father 
that i have in my youngish life

so what could i give him this father’s day
what would bring a great big smile to his face
what would bring tears to his eyes despite that close-lipped, squinty-eyed, red-faced expression which emerged with his attempt to fight back those tears and emotions
so many of you know it well
what can i give

i can give him a heart full of faith and lay aside my sadness and fear
i can live according to the counsel he has given me
to work hard
if you are going to do a job, do it right the first time
to realize that challenges were just apart of life and we needed to just accept it and keep moving forward happily, trusting in God and his love for us
obedience brings happiness and blessings
rely on your Savior
always look for ways to help others
to not be stressed, haha, he despised that word ‘stressed’ and i used it often
stressed, stressed. he would ask. why are you stressed
during my youth he would tell me: nothing good ever happens after midnight
ha, maybe i should apply that to today as well and say
nothing good ever happens the next day {for you or your children} if you stay up after midnight

on the way home tonight i was listening to this talk given by our Prophet in which he quoted Peter in the New Testament:
be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you
oh how that scripture pierced my heart
if i could give my children one instruction that would be it
and i know it is what my daddy would want to tell me today
be ready always
be joyful, be firm in your beliefs, live your belief through the joy you portray in your life
in your face
in your deeds
so that you may be ready at any moment to share with every man who may see that light shine through your eyes
that you have a reason to hope
you have a reason to be joyful
you have a knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ and
abide with Him in your journey
no matter the terrain
each and every day

that is what i can give my daddy this year and always
love you daddy
oh how i always wanted to make you proud of me
oh how grateful i am that you always told me how very much you were

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